The Wind Beneath My Wings

Late one spring night after a very hard day at work, my heart was torn between acknowledging my true identity and the love of my life, the man I had been in a gay relationship with for the last ten years.  I was crying and asked Jason to drive home.  He knew something was wrong, but wasn’t sure what was going on.  As he was driving, he questioned me about how he could help …and I sat there knowing that if I told him my truth that our relationship would never be the same.  However, I also knew that at this point in my life that I couldn’t live this way any longer without starting to use narcotics again or doing something more serious.

When we arrived home, Jason said, “I think I know what this has to do with.”   I replied, “You have no idea what this has to do with, Jason.” He then asked, “Does this have something to do with you cross dressing?  If so I don’t know if I can have anything to do with that.”   By this time Jason was sitting on the couch in our living room, and I was standing in the doorway of our bedroom sobbing.  “Jason, I know that I am transgender.”  He came running towards me, hugged me, and held me tighter than he has ever held me and said, “We will get through this together.”  I have never felt more love or concern from this man than I did that night.

When I came out to my friends and family, their first question was about my gay husband.  But thankfully, I can tell them that he is committed to trying to adjust to the transition, and I have committed to not make any decision without him about my transition.  My therapist and doctors understand that while I do not want to lose my gay husband, I do not want to lose me either. So far we have done well in communicating and keeping each other in check about how we feel about every detail of the transition.  Jason has been there every step of the way, every doctor appointment, making sure that he gets his questions answered as well.  He is going to his own therapist who specializes in transgender and transgenders’ spouses and is journaling his own thoughts and questions (which are many) about the whole journey.

Jason is truly a wonderful partner, husband, and companion and has been the wind beneath my wings during my journey.  One of the greatest gifts resulting from me coming out as transgender is seeing Jason opening up to me more than he ever has in the last ten years as he takes an active part in making our relationship work through this transition.  He is being a true husband and for that I am eternally grateful.